Conflicting feelings of change

A significant change is coming to reality.  One that I knew would come eventually yet hadn't really anticipated the feelings that would come with it. 

For over 20 years, my husband and myself have owed a large pack of dogs. 

They have been a huge part of our lives.   We loved them, cared for them, raced them, shown them and loved every moment of it.  Yet, as with anything in life, it came with its challenges.  Everything we have done has been timed around them.  The toughest was in the last four years where Queenie was diagnosed with diabetes, meaning she had to receive her insulin and be fed at the same time every day.  When I had previously felt tide down, I really wasn't until this point.

Come back to the present day and we are now at two dogs for the first time in over 20 years!! And this is where the conflict of feelings comes in. 

During our time of owning these beautiful dogs, I have had a different identity. One that has meant I had to learn and understand each and every one of their needs without them being able to tell me.  I am at the stage of asking myself "who I am when we will no longer have them in our lives?"  It's almost as though I am lost.  Maybe it's losing that feeling of being needed (I assume this is the same feeling parents have of the "empty nest".   Being able to use the dogs as an excuse why I may be unable to go somewhere or do something.  

Yet thinking of this from another angle, I look forward to more freedom and flexibility, no more worrying about the noise they may make (they are huskies after all!).  No more second guessing if taking to the vets was the right thing to do (have to say 99% of the time we were right!). 

Over recent months I've seen and felt a lot of change.  Not only has our pack reduced over recent months, I have moved out of the manager role in my employed work enabling me to give more attention to my business.

As I sit typing this I sit with all the feelings - lost, sad, insecure, guilty, confused, worthless, nervous, hopeful, curious, excited, grateful, thankful, happy etc.  

What I'm not doing is suppressing any of these feelings.  I'm sitting with them, understanding them by listening to what they need.  Some need time, patience, grace, permission, acknowledgment.  

Coaching & Therapy techniques have taught me how to sit with those feelings that we would refer to as negative & uncomfortable and do the work to work with each of them. 

 These are techniques we should all be taught from a young age to help us through life challenges where changes play a significant part of this.

I hope this helps anyone else experience many different feelings whilst change is taking place. 

(Picture of some of our huskies and Alaskan Malamutes)